Groundhog Day
In the 1993 movie "Groundhog Day", Bill Murray plays Phil Conners, a cynical weatherman who gets caught in a time loop and is forced to relive the same day over and over again until he learns the life lessons that are keeping him from moving forward. I know the feeling well. Except for me, it was Groundhog Years.
There's not much that stands out to me from 2008-2015, besides the birth of two children and a lot of work. And the work definitely received more of my attention than my young children. I reserved almost no time for myself and every area of my life suffered as a result. I didn't sleep well, I gained weight and was on the verge of burnout for much of the time.
Although I was making nominal progress by growing my business and family, I didn't feel as though my life was fundamentally different after eight years of effort. And I didn't see how another twenty years of work, followed by retirement, was going to make me feel any better. I wasn't doing anything to develop myself as a person and that stagnation, combined with the stress of the life I had created, created a negative feedback loop that pulled me further and further down.
Eventually, it got so bad that I had no choice but to take action or see my life fall apart. I used meditation to help get enough separation from my stress that I could sleep at night. I used gratitude exercises to remind myself of all my blessings, rather than feel anxiety about everything that needed to be done. And I forced myself to break out of my comfort zone by attending conferences and events that would expose me to new people and ideas.
I realized my old patterns were no longer working for me and I experimented until I found new patterns that did. It was a painstaking process, but eventually I was able to deconstruct who I thought I was, so I could discover who I really am.
Making true and lasting life changes requires sacrifice. We must let go of thoughts and habits that are familiar and comforting if they are ultimately harmful to our best interests.
As we sit here now at the beginning of a new year, and a new decade, the timing is perfect to stop living the way we always have. No matter who you are, or where you are in life, there is an opportunity to be the person you've always wanted to be. Change is often painful, so we resist it. And then slowly and inexorably slide back into the same patterns that made us unhappy in the first place.
Nature is not static and neither are we. Every year we see trees blossom in the spring and grow through the summer, only to drop their leaves in the fall and go dormant in the winter. Growth and transformation are inherent to the cycle of life and the tree plays its role beautifully. It doesn't get attached to the leaves that have grown during the summer and try to hold onto them as fall approaches. And neither should we.
The world is changing around us and if we don't match that rhythm, we'll be left behind.
Luckily, there are countless ways to grow and develop. And you don't necessarily need to make any major life changes. The key to success, whatever the change, is to absolutely commit to it and to schedule time in the day for it.
If you want to begin meditating, decide to do it every morning for thirty days, and make it the first thing you do after waking. No excuses. And you don't need to start with thirty minutes. Even a commitment of five or ten minutes a day can produce noticeable results if done consistently.
Same with exercise. Or learning a new skill. Commit to doing it every morning, before indulging your morning vice (news, social media, coffee, etc). Decision fatigue is real, and if you give yourself a chance to back out, it's likely to happen.
The other major advantage of this type of routine is that having a victory in the morning goes a long way toward setting the stage for the day. A cold shower in the morning is a powerful triumph over the mind and a reminder that we're capable of doing things that are good for us, even if they're uncomfortable.
And don't discount the power of small improvements to produce massive life changes, given consistency and enough time. When you're stuck, the most important thing is to start moving.
Much like weatherman Phil, we have the possibility to make each day different and better. To gradually build our strengths, skills and our relationships and to become a better and better version of ourselves. And a truly fulfilled life demands that we do so.